Why Good People Do Bad Things

A little over a year ago I picked up this book as I was searching for some clues and answers regarding a personal experience that I had with a "good person that did very bad things". I was not only attempting to understand this type of behavior, but also trying to figure out what it is that I do that I attrack this kind of people. My life experience is full of examples of "good people doing bad things" and it seems I am like honey to these bear characters.

Today, I decided to read this book again and I am starting right away. Why? Because I sense a "beach ball effect" is in the making around me and I feel I need a refresher course to, hopefully, be better prepared to deal with the situation every step of the way and mitigate the tremendously negative effects that it creates as the "beach ball" surfaces out of control.

The good news is that "thanks" to all the painful and expensive experiences throughout the years I have learned to identify these characters "earlier" than what I used to, so that is good. The bad news is the realization and acceptance that this will not be the last time I will have to face this kind of behavior and the need to prepare and shield myself against these demons.

Following is an excerpt from abcnews.go.com and I quote:

"In her new book, best-selling author Debbie Ford tries to explain "Why Good People Do Bad Things: How To Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy." The book delves into the forces that compel people to live by their values and the ones that hold people back while sabotaging their dreams. Ford specifically talks about the beach-ball effect, which she says is the way suppressed emotions eventually rise to the surface and reveal the the origins of self-destructive behavior."

...

"The Underbelly of the Human Psyche

The underbelly of the human psyche, what is often referred to as our dark side, is the origin of every act of self-sabotage. Birthed out of shame, fear, and denial, it misdirects our good intentions and drives us to unthinkable acts of self-destruction and not-so-unbelievable acts of self-sabotage.

Shame and denial feed our dark side for one simple reason. If we accepted our weaknesses, flaws, and shortcomings as a natural part of our humanity, we would have the ability to ask for help when we are confronted with an impulse that we don't know how to deal with. We would recognize that these dark impulses -- such as the urge to have sex with people other than our spouse, to take money that doesn't belong to us, or to lie in order to better position ourselves -- are a natural part of our humanity that needs to be understood and embraced. But because these urges are left unexplored and unexamined, they get wrapped in shame and denial and kept hidden in the dark. And it is there that our shadow self, the unwanted and denied aspects of ourselves, gathers more power until a blowup is inevitable.

Every aspect of ourselves that we've denied, every thought and feeling that we've deemed unacceptable and wrong, eventually makes itself known in our lives. When we are busy building a business, creating a family, or taking care of those we love, when we are too busy to pay attention to our emotions, we have to hide our dark impulses and shame-filled qualities, which leaves us at risk for an external explosion. In a matter of minutes, when we least expect it, a rejected or unwanted aspect of ourselves can pop up and destroy our lives, our reputations, and all of our hard work. This is what I call the Beach-Ball Effect.

Think of the amount of energy it takes to hold an inflated beach ball underwater for an extended period of time. The moment you relax or take your attention away from keeping it submerged, the ball will bounce back up and splash water in your face. The Beach-Ball Effect is at work when you have suppressed something deep within your psyche, stored it in the recesses of your subconscious, and then, just when you think everything is going your way, something happens: You send a slanderous e-mail to the wrong colleague. You get lured into betraying someone you love for a night of meaningless passion.

You get behind the wheel of a car after having three drinks and get arrested for drunk driving. You get caught dipping into your family's trust fund. You fly off into a rage in front of your new lover. You make an inappropriate comment that costs you your job. You blow an important deadline right before your big review. You haul off and hit your child in a moment of frustration. . . . In other words, the beach ball -- your repressed urges and your unprocessed pain -- pops up and hits you in the face, sabotaging your dreams, robbing you of your dignity, and leaving you drenched in shame.

How many more blatant acts of self-sabotage do we have to witness to understand the devastating effects of denying and suppressing our unprocessed emotional garbage? Don Imus is a perfect example. Here is a man who worked hard to become one of biggest radio and TV celebrities in the country over the course of thirty-five years -- his entire career was based on communication. And in less than one minute the reputation he had spent years building was destroyed. The beach ball bounced up and hit him in the face"

Source: abcnews.go.com, for more info click here.